A “believe it, be it” attitude and determination to keep moving forward for her kids pushed Montgomery County Commissioner Ronda Walker through a dire diagnoses and to the other side: breast cancer survivorship.
Tell us about your cancer diagnosis and treatment. It was one week before Christmas 2014 when I was diagnosed with locally
invasive breast cancer. I had two tumors in my right breast, two different types of cancer. One tumor was the size of a lime, the second tumor was the size of a penny. My PET scan revealed the presence of cancer in several lymph nodes around my right breast. Basically, I was a mess! My wonderful oncologist, Dr. Stephen Davidson at the Montgomery Cancer Center, determined an aggressive course of treatment was necessary. First, we had to do chemo to shrink the tumors. I was given eight rounds, one round every other week. Chemotherapy has a compounding impact on the body. The first couple of rounds, while bad, were tolerable. As the treatment continued, my fatigue was extreme, I experienced sores in my mouth, I had constant nausea,and of course, I was bald! The good news is, my body responded perfectly to the chemo and when finished, there was no sign of cancer. I followed up chemo with a mastectomy, then 28 rounds of radiation. After radiation ended and I healed, I had a 14-hour reconstructive surgery that involved a second mastectomy and double reconstruction. My breast cancer treatment lasted for an entire year.
What was your first thought when you heard the diagnosis? It was a Friday night, and I was getting ready for a Christmas party when I felt the lump in my right breast. I knew immediately it was bad, but it was a Friday, so I had to wait until Monday to go to the doctor. That weekend was stressful, sleepless. On that Tuesday, the biopsy results came back, and I sat on a love seat in the diagnostic radiologist’s office. She sat close beside me, and my husband Jason was in a chair beside us. The doctor told me, “Ronda you have cancer.” Immediately a fog settled in on my brain as if I was in a dreamlike state. I turned to her and desperately wanted to know ALL of the details of my cancer. It would take almost two weeks of testing and more testing to get the full picture of my diagnosis. That time between being told I had cancer and learning all of the facts about my cancer was unbearable. Five years later, as I tell this story, I am in tears remembering the struggle I endured. I was terrified, not for myself but for my four children; the younger two were only 6 and 7 years old at the time. It felt like I was being crushed under the weight of a mountain that had crumbled on top of me. But I’m a mom; I didn’t have the luxury of falling apart. So, I steeled myself for what was to come, and I declared to Jason, “Everything in our life will remain normal.” He was training for his first marathon – keep training! We had our house up for sale — keep that sign in the yard! I am a County Commissioner, and I did not miss one single meeting during my entire course of chemotherapy and radiation. And every afternoon I was at the table helping my children with their homework. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but for me, pressing into normalcy helped me endure.
If someone you love is sick, look them directly in the sys and tell them, “you are going to be fine.” And tell them that with all the confidence in the world. If you believe it, they will believe it too.
Through the treatment process and after, what did you want and need from your friends and family? I needed them to be ok when I didn’t respond to their text or voicemail. I needed them to not ask me about cancer every single time they saw me. I needed them not to look at me with sad eyes as if I might die at any minute. I needed them to NOT ask me about my cancer if my children were around. I needed them to know that although I had a smile on my face, and gloss on my lips, I was experiencing exceptional physical and emotional misery. Someone told me during treatment, “You’re making this look easy.” And I realized I might be doing a disservice to every person who has ever had to endure cancer treatment. I was smiling, but I needed them to know it was so very hard.
What forms of help and support really stood out? I distinctly remember one day Jason walked into the kitchen and handed me a huge stack of mail. Cards and packages from friends filled with scarves, books, gift cards, even cash. I began to bawl and told Jason, “I cannot handle getting all of this stuff, people are doing too much for me.” Jason looked me sweetly and explained that my friends simply wanted to express their love and concern. “They’re sad for you, and they don’t know what to do to help you, Ronda, but they love you, and they are sending you things they think will help. Let them do this.” At that moment I released a lot of stress by determining to allow people to help me. One friend who has a maid paid her maid double one week and had her come clean my home. With four kids and a dog, having help cleaning my house was the top of my list! And, wow, some of my Alpha Gam sorority sisters got together and sent me a gorgeous blanket and a check big enough to cover hiring someone to clean my home every week during chemotherapy! I was absolutely amazed at all that was done for me, and truly it sustained me. More than that, all of these blessings helped keep a sense of joy and normalcy in my home for my children!
I realized I might be doing a disservice to every person who has ever had to endure cancer treatment. I was smiling but I needed them to know it was so very hard.
What one thing that you did for yourself most helped you cope? I wrote a blog entitled Merry Christmas Cancer; writing was very cathartic for me. Also, for me, pushing myself to live a normal (as possible) life helped me make it through.
What advice would you give other caregivers/spouses/parents/friends on how to approach and help their loved one going through cancer treatment? When someone is sick or grieving the worst thing you can do is say to them, “Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you.” People think they’re being helpful, but the last thing a sick person wants to do is ask for help. Instead of asking them to tell you what they need, just do something for them! Send them a gift card for dinner; buy them a cozy pair of socks; give them $50 to pay just one co-pay (the cost of cancer adds up!); drop them a funny card in the mail; visit them. Additionally, I would encourage friends and family of cancer patients to speak joy and positivity into their lives. Attitude is everything. My relationship with Jesus Christ kept my core at peace even while my circumstances were dire. If someone you love is sick, look them directly in the eye and tell them, “You are going to be fine.” And tell them that with all the confidence in the world. If you believe it, they will believe it too. Fear and stress will destroy us, but peace, hope and joy can help heal the mind and body!